Advanced Crack
by ChloboShoka
Summary: May's nude pics leaked. Ash talks to her on Skype and they meet up and bizzare stuff happens. A cracky advanceshipping one shot for Advancers Forum's new contest.


**Advanced Crack**

There were so many things that May wanted to set straight, but so little time to do it. It was so dark outside and her eyes where squinting against the pastel screen. Her fingers tapped on the keyboards, but all she could spew was typos and silly sentences that didn't make sense. She gulped in horror as everything was starting to sink in. The truth had been revealed and there was no way she could hide them any more Once those pictures were out they were out. May was in a Skype group chat with some of her best friends across the world. She had met them all during her journey across the regions of Japan, but Skype was the only way to bring them all together when they were miles away.

Her friend, Sakura had written a message for her. It didn't help that Hikari was agreeing with her.

Sakura: Damn! Why are so scared? That picture is so hot.

Hikari: Yeah, you looked beautiful in those pictures.

Serena: Were those pictures Photoshopped?

May: No...

Olive: What pictures are you talking about?

Sakura: Oh, somebody leaked nude pics of May.

Olive: Well that's very rude of them.

"You guys aren't helping," May admitted as covered her eyes from the screen. "But it's sweet that you girls are supporting me."

May: Thanks for the support guys. I'm going to go to bed now. It's gonna be a rough night tonight.

Sakura: Well if you need anything let us know.

Hikari: You can talk to us at any time.

Olive: Indeed.

Just as May was about to switch the laptop off she saw another notification pop up on the user bar It was Ash. Her heart pumped faster than Sonic the Hedgehog training for the Olympics Her fingers began to shake. She clenched her eyes shut for a few seconds and opened them again. She could not believe it. She thought she was dreaming. Ash had never been on Skype in ages since he was last travelling to Unova. Ash hardly ever came on Skype so when he did, May wanted to make it count. She clicked on the message with anticipation. She was eager to see what Ash wanted to say.

What if he's seen the pictures, May thought in disgust. She curled herself up in a bawl at the thought of Ash dismissing her as some whore. She plucked the courage to see the message. "Come on," she said to herself. "It can't be bad. He's not that kind of person to ditch you over a stupid mistake."

Ash: Hi.

A simply hi. He logged in after three years just to say hi? There had to be something more to it.

May: Hi

Ash: How are you?

May: I'm good. How about you?

Ash: I'm good, I'm just catching up on stuff. Been a while since I was last on Skype.

May: It has.

Every time Ash responded to her messages filled May with glee. She was so happy to hear from Ash that she wanted to pick her laptop off from her bed and dance around the room with it and imagine that she's dancing with Ash. She had missed him so much that it was killing her stomach. She was aching to see him again and she hoped that if he was nearby that they could meet up and hang out amongst other things.

Ash: So I heard you've been up to some stuff.

May: Stuff? What do you mean by that?

Ash: Well I saw the pictures and they looked nice.

May: Pictures? Oh someone hacked into my phone and spread them on tumblr I'm really embarrassed about it.

Ash: Oh, I don't mean them. I mean the food that you uploaded on Instagram.

May: Wait! You know about that!

Ash: Yeah, Brock told me. But don't worry, I don't think it's a bad thing. People upload funny pics all the time but I thought those pikachu pancakes looked really cool.

May had been panicking all this time for nothing.

May: So what are you up to right now?

Ash: I'm back at home. It's my mom's birthday today.

May: Happy birthday to your mother!

Ash: Thanks, I'll tell her you said that when she gets up. By the way we should meet up soon, it's been way too long since we last met.

May: I know right! I'm in Celadon City. We should meet up tomorrow.

Ash: Sure, let's meet at the pokémon centre tomorrow afternoon.

May: Yay! Goodnight!

Ash and May met up the next day and also met up with some friends in a sleazy bar that Brock suggested. Brock paid for the food and drink, so they weren't complaining. They also served good food so it was worth staying there. Litres of drink and mysterious substances later...

"I don't like Donald Trump," May screamed. "He tried to make Narusaku illegal."

"What the fuck?" Ash said as he scoffed his face in ramen. "Why is such a salty shipper? He's the president of the USA and Naruhina is cannon." The levels of anger grew in his voice with every word. "What more does he want? He needs to leave the Naruto fandom alone."

"Damn straight!" May said as she smiled at Ash. Her hands crossed the table as she helped herself to one of Ash's chocolate bars.

Normally, Ash would be raging with madness if somebody tried to steal his food. May was an exception though because she kicked ass and had half of his ribbon. Which also meant that she had half his heart, half his body and half his soul. She was a very special person to Ash and that was the hardcore truth. Whenever they were together, Ash wanted to burst into song and sing in a liquid sex voice like Bruno Mars.

"I always feel like somebody is watching me," May whispered as she crunched into the chocolate bar's honeycomb middle. "Or am I just imagining things?"

Ash nodded. "Team Rocket are always following me. Since you're with me, they're also following me."

May shook her head. "I don't mean them. They're harmless. I mean someone big like the Government or the mafia or the illuminati."

"And I have no privacy," Ash groaned.

"Because you know it's thriller!" Max cried out as he ran around the hallway in a fluffy pink dress. "And nobody would follow you," he hissed at his sister as his deep voice melted away into a high pitched voice of sophisticated grace. He rubbed his face with his frilly gloves. "THEY'RE ALL FOLLOWING ME BECAUSE I AM A LADY AND I DO LADIES THINGS. THEY JUST FOLLOW YOU FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES AND ALSO BECAUSE THEY WANT TO SEE ASH STICK HIS CARROT UP YOUR BOTTOM!"

May shrieked. She jumped out of her seat as she pumped both fists.

"OH MY GOODNESS!" Max cried in horror and still pretended to be a girl. "I must go! I'M TOO YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL TO DIE!"

"Hello!" Serena said as she sat to Ash. "I've seen too many dicks today!"

"WHAT!" May bellowed.

Ash burped. "Excuse me." And then he farted so loudly that the vibration in the seat caused all the Pokémon to come out of their balls and the ceiling to collapse.

"Ew!" Dawn said with her nose pinched. She sounded like she was high on drugs. She was blushing red. "WHY WOULD DO THAT ASH?"

"SERENA HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A DICK AS GREAT AS MINE!" Brock asked at the top of his voice.

"I guess it's not bad for a black one," Serena admitted.

May banged her head against the table. The most pleasant image was seeing Dawn and Zoey making out on the table. She wanted to do the same for Ash. "Aww aren't Dawn and Zoey so sweet."

"SHUT UP MAY!" Brock hissed. "I hate it. EVERYBODY'S HAVING SEX APART FROM ME! AND I DON'T WANT TO SPEND ANY MORE MONEY ON PROSTITTIES!"

"I thought you were going out with that playboy girl called Aly Wubbzy?" Ash asked curiously.

"And what about that porn star Vicky B?" May asked.

"PORNSTAR?"

Suddenly a super hot girl with lots of epic sass known as Vicky B barged into the room with her henchmen (who were actually female social justice warriors). "WHO CALLED ME A PORNSTAR?"

"Oh Brock said that you were a porn star"

"WHAT!"

"And he called your friend Aly a playboy girl," Ash added with a wink.

"OH MY GOD!" the woman standing next to Vicky B screamed She laughed so hard that she rolled on the floor and burst into tears. "FIRST TRUMP MADE NARUSAKU ILLEGAL AND NOW THIS!"

"LET'S BEAT BROCK UP!"

"WHY WOULD YOU GUYS DO THIS TO ME?" Brock asked as he ran away.

Ash and May giggled as everybody in the room left to chase Brock's sorry black tight ass. Vicky B, Emi, Aly and their gang were like peas in pod.

"Oh my," Ash said.

"That was fun for shits and giggles," May admitted. "Let's break up!" May announced out of the blue.

"WHAT!" Tears suddenly rolled down Ash's eyes.

May giggled as she took her top off. "I'm just kidding. I just wanted to break up with you and then have sex with you for the lols."

"We can still have sex."

"I know."

"Let's talk about dick pics."

"Uhm... how about no!"

"Laughter is the best medicine.

"Nothing makes sense any more"

"Nah, let's have sex."

"It's too embarrassing to do it here."

"Nobody's here, we can always do a quickie."

"Oh damn!"

"Pika Pika!"

Meanwhile, the famous Team Rocket Trio: Jessie, James and Meowth were chilling with Netflix watching Doctor Who.


End file.
